Not all houses can be smart. Unfortunately, some lack the opportunity to update enough for that great title – here’s a lighthearted look at smart home tech.
Smart home home.
Be so humble, there is no place like a smart home.
There has been a lot of talk in the news and on social media about smart homes.
It seems to be the new American dream. Living in a smart home, growing up in a smart home. So, in the near future, we are likely to see this type of question on job applications and bank loans: “Were you raised in a smart home?”
Smart homes are a particularly American dream. You don’t hear much about smart homes in Britain, Russia, Indonesia or Bolivia. Homeowners in those ignorant countries have yet to experience the delights of a smart mortgage for bankrupt homes.
But here in America, the smart home is the sine qua non for those with real estate ambitions. So today America is not trying to keep up with the Joneses, but trying to keep up with Alexa.
Smart home versus dumb home
Now the opposite of a smart home is the dumb home.
The Silly House or Shack, as many have (once) been called, is a heartbroken abode that lacks the futuristic flair of the smart home. Sadly, it is becoming such that people will not admit that it comes from a foolish home. However, have you heard someone say proudly recently, “I was raised in a silly home”? Or, “Hey bro, I’m in a silly house, deal with it?”
The fact is, Congress is considering aid checks for everyone who grew up in a dumb home, or at least all the DC bureaucrats seem to be trying to find ways to spend all the hard-earned money of the rich.
The march of technology, now practically a marathon, has left many American homes in the dust. The chances of these old traditional houses becoming smart homes are dire. However, renovation is a possibility for almost any shack with electricity (and access to Fort Knox).
Definition of home automation or home automation.
Home automation, which exotic-minded scientists call home automation, makes a home “smart” by several different methods.
As in the 2001 movie Space Odyssey, a central computer, “HAL” if you like, runs the whole thing. HAL maintains temperature, opens and locks windows and doors. HAL turns the lights on and off, raises and lowers the window shades, and turns the mattress every three months.
In an automated smart home, all electrical and online devices are interconnected. In this way, they can be switched on and off remotely. As well as monitored. So when little Johnny makes the prank phone call to the Governor’s Mansion, his proud parents will know right away and pat him on the head before starting to pat him elsewhere.
It really comes down to the owner, their family, and pets having to do very little once they are indoors. Some experts warn that this excessive ease will soon turn American brains into cake. Unfortunately, this dire warning seems to come only from experts who don’t live in smart homes.
Some cunning houses suffer from platform fragmentation. But a good chiropractor can clear it up. Technical standards can also be a problem. There is still no standardization of the technical infrastructure. This means, in plain language, that savvy homebuyers should verify computer compatibility before moving all of their Macintosh equipment. Your new smart home may only accept Apple.
Silly houses and log cabins.
Abraham Lincoln was not born in a smart home or even a dumb home. He was born in a log cabin. And you can’t be much dumber than logs; they are lousy talkers. However, he turned out to be fine by most standards of judgment.
So all this fuss about smart homes might be a lot of hot air, but there’s no question that smart home devices provide a lot of ease for those who live in them.
Silly houses can be great places to live because:
- You can check your dirty socks anywhere, and no stinky bot will come out of the wall and steal it from you.
- One day’s pizza tastes better in a silly house.
- You can walk around your silly house in your comfortable frayed bathrobe. Would you dare to do the same in your smart home?
- Silly houses often have a unique and comforting smell. That is because they have actually been lived in. Some have reported that smart homes are depressingly odor-free.
- The silly house has dandelions on the lawn. The smart home has AstroTurf.
How to finance a smart home.
If you are forced and determined to live in a smart home, you will need solid financing.
A bank mortgage is the most traditional way to do it. Signing the mortgage papers in blood and handing over your firstborn as a hostage to the bank are usually the terms requested.
Whether you live in a smart home or a silly home, just turn it into a good one. And remember this: grass is always greener when coated.
Image credit: Ann Nekr; Pexels; Thanks!